Tonight I thought to go through some of my phone notes from this year to find a few lines that fit with a theme I am focused on as of late.
I ended up reading through all of the memos and realized a lot of the random lines/reminders I type into there are, um, golden as hell! I wanted to keep these private until they are complete, but why wait, really?.
Don’t look into my eyes
Look out through ’em and I’ll show you what it’s like to be a woman
Reality is heavy.
Every moment’s a memory in an instant.
What’s life, what’s light for you?
Like seeing a bush of bright flowers saturating a concrete wall in the middle of a busy street, <3
There’s a certain point during each day when I acknowledge that I am swollen with love, This bright vibration of the soul which links my consciousness to the physical
Where I am weak you are strong and where I am strong you lack. Who is gonna last? Or will we laugh hand in hand to our graves
The state of b e i n g is illusioned to become the state of s u r v i v a l Why?
When a bitch barks, do you bark back?
Thoughts are powerful and when enough energy is given to ’em, the universe responds.
There are places in my head where I’m already dead.
All of the time I fought the urge to bleed I never knew that the universe is testing me
Thought it was just me
Am I only an example?
She wondered if she’s addicted to the pain
Always wanting what isn’t within reach, vision, driven by our desire for more
Let go, dismiss the friction in your soul
Covering up our sadness with happiness
The way of life.
Re-embracing the darkness once lingering inside
Wasn’t long before I daydreamed of running away with you
Just us to the grave
The universe let me get my way for once
Almost gave up
Numb from the outside in
Feel it in my blood taunting my mind to a spin
I have been more comfortable and found results that I didn’t know I was expecting. I wanted to feel that I had a purpose; that my existence was relevant. And so many crazy and cool things began to happen to me. I started loving myself.
For bread we lust
In the dough we trust
Guess I’m easily dismissible
Only thought that I was yours
Gotta find a way to not care
While at the same time learning to share
All of the things you want from me
No fair, but nothing ever is, is it?
For once would you s h o w me what you s a y you feel because I don’t feel it
Can’t be comfortable with you
Because according to you, there’s always something left to do
Innocence of a child
Complexity of a widower
And the figure of a full blooded woman, she was
It was the way she squeezed his hand when she became excited it that had him so delighted to be the one to please her
Can we ever coexist without conflict of consciousness?
You never know when the words you struggle to say might help another along their way
No one knows when it’s their time to go
So why drown in fear over tomorrow or next year
Because you may not be here but you right now you are alive
Removing the fear, realizing it (the fear) was clear
See through, see no proof
Maybe I should take art lessons
Because these words are not enough
The truth will hit you like a bullet but it’s more like a seed
How it grows depends on what you feed it
Lead me to love’s lair then left me waiting there
Shattered pieces of my heart floating amongst the liquor in my belly
Maybe I should build an arc and restart my world from the beginning
Are you ruled by what you t h i n k is supposed to be?
Meanwhile dimming the light of what is.
Don’t dim your light.
We are not here to dim lights. Life (l i g h t) is revelation
I fled, left then I came back from an eternity lost within the blackness of me
From dissatisfaction with what I hadn’t done and who I wanted to be but would never become
The dark only makes the light twice as bright
And now I love the n o w
You know I’m attracted to the little things
And the little things tear me down easily
We are all individuals with ability to link souls
And promote G R O W TH of the heart and not wealth
Stars above me, city below me
So intense that my soul is searching for an exit
Scratching at the backs of my eyes til tears form
Poster child for a generation of kids uncomfortable in their skin
Is the illusion that I am fragile or that I am strong?
It is a daily struggle
For a moment all is clear, the next I’m dragging my head through the sky trying to free myself
Get out of myself and away from you
Am I consistent with kidding myself?
The me from yesterday would shake her head right now.
What a s h a m e.
I feel like I am unravelling
But my strings are too far behind to reach
Constant struggle to not fall under the struggle
I always mean what I say. You just hear it another way.
Writing to myself to remember that it’s only eye
From my mind to my own eyes
Reflect and inject
I’m so submissive because of the love I’ve been given
But you’ve got to grow or else you are not living
And I’m learning more every day
Even though I’m not as expressive
Wondering if I’m wrong for the way I feel
Because what I knew a short while ago was not real
It is no longer real
And I’m stuck in shock mode in the mornings
Like reality’s a dream or I guess my dreams are now reality
Because in my dreams then you were an ass but in life you were the sweetest
Then it flipped
Love is death. Pain is rebirth.
Death is a painful process, thus making it
All the same
You are the universe’s reminder that beauty is more than a vision
Am eye c r e a t i v e?
Does it take a special glow to bare your soul to the unknown?
If you knew how far I’d have gone for only you
Maybe then you would get how it hurt me when you said it
Even though you didn’t say it
All I ever craved was for you to care
Just to feel someone was out there
In the dark looking out for me
To catch me when I trip because I can’t see
Wish I felt as free as you, but I’m not yet free
My heart is still tied to someone with their back towards me
Always wished I could leave you with your space and give my love too
Maybe it’s because he was the only one outside whoever aimed to get above the walls guarding my mind
And found my heart instead…
It’s alright to be corny amidst an extraordinary existence
Don’t ever allow yourself to be so distracted and stressed that you never sit back and enjoy how trippy life is.
Points when you’re so low your body feels like a prison of your soul
A shell just keeping me from space
Confined with no consideration of time
Went from being the one who made it all easy to the one who made it hell
Just pretend that you are slowly dying and have nothing to lose.
Aren’t we all terminally ill?
Most people seem to be about appearances and I can’t get with it. I’m about those moments that don’t get recorded.
I go through hell for a smile
For a good vibe
I go through hell for that which matters
Daily. Might be my legacy
Every single bad experience is a tunnel
A new door to consciousness
I exist only to question your prejudices
M i s c o N c e p t i o n s
Bet you’ll never guess what it is
I came up as
And I could lie my ass off to you
If I want to
But I choose t r u t h
Stay present in the present
Look around you and you’ll find it’s a blessing
Never m i n d the rest simply because we are not t(here) yet