Creative Expression For Release & Healing

In my personal growth, I notice that I can no longer suppress what my spirit yearns to express. I suppose this is my unique experience of being guided into creating art for more than just myself. I touched on self-expression here before, but learning the importance of my voice has been something that I still find myself reflecting on often, in relation to womanhood. The truth is that I lost a sense of worth for a long time, and I have been re-adjusting since becoming an adult. I am now able to express my true self more freely than ever.

When losing a sense of worth in oneself while being so young, it can take time to regain confidence in your purpose and believe in yourself. Sadly, I notice some of us never get there, nor are even conscious of the need for such an effort. Although there is more work to do on myself, I am quite proud of my inner growth. For a long while, I was used to dodging too much attention to certain aspects of who I am. I believe this stemmed from many things that influenced me, beginning in my early life. I know at some point, I began to feel acutely different from others and harbored a slight fear of being misinterpreted or rejected. This fear eventually evolved to a struggle with being vulnerable.

We exist within a culture that is incredibly performance-based. I am aware that many of us unconsciously hide behind performances of how we think we should be, or what we should be doing in the world to appease society and/or family. In that way, we tend to “silence” our true self. We shy away from showing parts of us that truly gleam the brightest, in the light. We hold ourselves back rather than fully embracing whatever our heart leans toward. Some of us are simply embedded with fear. You can appear to be the most open and extroverted being, but is what you are expressing your honest, living truth?

Until recent years, I was also afraid of not being taken seriously when expressing my heart and my struggles—even with my closest friends. I found myself being the one who constantly listens and takes on the troubles of others, without having anywhere to release my own. In addition to avoiding vulnerability, I realize that part of that was also fear of going too deep for the comfort of another. As a sensitive person, I often cared about perceptions that should not carry as much weight as I granted them to. Ironically, it was I who stopped taking myself serious. I ignored my desire to follow my dreams. Of course, all of my dreams would relate to forms self-expression. I stopped believing in myself. I often relied on humorous expression to balance out the way I truly viewed myself, which was in a very low light. Thankfully, it was creating art for the simple sake of releasing the many truths and pain I held inside of me, that helped me change. Expression can aid in curing the soul! I am so grateful.

Today, I am conscious of how deeply it affects me to be quiet as my heart bellows out for release. I mind less whether I will be misinterpreted, dismissed, or not. Because it all begins in my own mind. You never know how you will be received when you are being real. Denying oneself the freedom to express directly disrupts the flow of energy and throws off the balance of their being. I know the uncomfortable feeling which results all too well. I have come far, and I love myself too much to limit my voice — which I have found to be quite beautiful since hearing it out loud more often.

Who knew that my retreat into creating for myself would turn into a source of healing, and perhaps much more to come? 

I feel wondrously lighter whenever I authentically share my raw ideas. People do not need to always understand. I am pushing myself to breathe and speak easy during moments when my stomach twists up and I might doubt what I want to express. Those are the moments when I know I am directly being called to either speak up loud, or to create something important. 

One exercise related to self-care that I have practiced this year is using my voice confidently. Since I do a great deal of writing and visual editing, I find it important to be confident in actually speaking my personal thoughts, ideas, struggles, and even my own poems out loud often. This is especially important as I am moving my passion for creation into an actual career. Using my voice to project my work outloud to myself puts me in a different state of mind. So does singing. I am currently learning to merge my tendency to create for release (and sometimes on pure whim) into creating with intent to manifest. It is a magical time for conscious creators. I hope to update my journey more and more, as I go! Stay tuned.