This month has been amazing, thus far! I’m inspired both with my upcoming raw food exploration and just by the people I’ve been coming across in life daily. Isn’t that the best? Music continues to grow new roots and I’m excited to challenge myself and see what I can really do with it. It’s now manifesting itself in even more corners of my reality, like at work (I just started in an office and discovered there’s actually a studio in the back! haha Awesome, right?).
I decided to let go of all of the negative figures in my life as well. I have leaned towards excuses to keep those causing me stress around. I wanted to fight through struggle because I believed it was worth it. It’s not worth grabbing if you don’t reach, right? My soul was craving the challenge, and most of all affection. I fell in love with the euphoria of being with someone who I could finally share myself with, that someone who I can be naked with in every way. It never happened before.
I have accepted that it no longer functions as an aid in my growth. I am worth infinitely more than that struggle.
If you notice my trail of posts since the beginning of CosmicFrolic.com, you might have an idea about how intensely I feel as a person. I personally have been fighting my own demon’s as well as that of another just to ensure the growth of this love. My first love. It’s been a true battle. I have been thinking “This must be the battle of being a woman.”
I say that as I have gathered the perspectives of others for years, and here I am finally as an earthly being experiencing something which leaves me feeling completely outside of myself while being trapped within myself. What else is a girl to do but to master the art (or is it simply a game) of emotions? I seriously pondered on the idea of how I’d train myself to be completely unaffected by negativity JUST to continue this relationship that has clearly ran its course. I constantly find myself waiting for my love to reflect back to me from the direction where it’s pointed.
Just noting everyone else’s opinions, this particular “love” thing sounds like a game. But, it feels like a roller coaster that I want to get off.
Or could it be that a troublesome first love is the doorway into where I’m supposed to be? I like this idea more, as, I really never had much fun playing games. Wellll, I DO love Sonic and Mario and I do LOVE roller coasters.
But in seriousness, I have given so much energy to preserving what I convinced myself was a beautiful plant that was struggling to continue its growth. It was suddenly hit with hard rain and winds before it could reach the peak, but there are already so many beautiful blooms to it. Because of these blooms, I thought that if I could protect it from the rest of nature, the plant would be fine and continue on its path to being this amazing, beautiful source of oxygen in my life.
Today I am accepting that this plant doesn’t belong in my garden. I am simply not equipped to care for it, but it did teach me many things about myself. I am much stronger and brighter than ever because I know for certain that my love is pure and I know I will receive it just as I give it, when I’m supposed to, with the right one. I have learned what it means to expose myself and I am thankful for that. For now, my love is for everyone and most of all myself!
Be beautiful as you are right NOW. Do not allow anyone to make you feel that you are wrong for being how and who you are. Do not accept feeling lonely in a relationship of any sort. There is beauty out there waiting for us.
Real connections do not fade in and out, they are one’s key motivation in life. Love is abundant. If the puzzle does not fit, you cannot cut the edges in order to make it fit because, what happens if the RIGHT piece is right in front of your eyes? You must accept this and let it go. Fall back and be youthful! This is what I’m experiencing now and if you are feeling something similar, I encourage you to be brave enough to try something new with me. Love and light!