Ah! Last week was rather rough on me, emotionally anyway. Besides the quiet moments to myself, which would translate to a cloud of images and words that felt like a haunting on my brain and a literal lash to my chest, I actually had a lot of fun.
I feel as if I’m reconnecting with those who reciprocate the energy that I give. It’s beautiful and too rare! There’s nothing sweeter than to be reminded that you are adored while you feel…rejected. I lose sight of this too often in my tendency to drift off into my loneliness. We are all alone in our unique experiences, but so is everyone! We are connected through our separateness.
It’s the funniest thing, how we constantly rattle in between the worst shit to ever happen to us and the opportunities which they clear a path to. There really is always a rainbow, light, or whichever saying is fit for the end.
I have endured many phases of contracting emotions, as I’m sure anyone who believes that they’ve had their heart broken can so vividly imagine. AND there’s an art to it, I’ve observed. The moment I consciously relax and let all tenseness pass through me, great things begin to bloom in front of me. My perception of the situation readjusts. It’s only up to us to keep them up these new “roses” in our life by giving care. Don’t just watch opportunities pass you by. Seize the moment!
Now, I am feeling phoenix-like for the first time since everything seemed to fly out of my control only a short time ago. This is the only time I have put that out there and honestly meant it. It is natural to try to encourage yourself into forgetting someone or just feeling better about anything (because this does not only reply to romantic relationships), but that is already taken care of when you focus on the present.
And of course, as if on cue, I came upon this fitting quote the other day.
Writing really has been the ultimate scratch to my creative itch, as well as just a release whenever I want to sort out some of my own head. Years ago I transitioned from poetry and stories into short stories and dozens of unfinished concepts I’ve worked on and off with less than half being complete today.
While those straining emotions were getting to me one night, I wrote an unusual amount for myself as of late and am still writing every day!
I’ve been writing to instrumentals these days and I love it! Just doing that seems to have stirred the universe into bringing me a rose. Why? I’ve the opportunity to actually record songs now with my friends. I’ve been exposed to recording and music for quite a while but it was always too sacred to me to even attempt. Now it’s like I can’t help it.
Other great things have taken me away from the dangerous mindset of being the only one who truly knows me now and forever. Growth. I have been meeting people who I connect with in ways I have not in the past. Being around free people who want to vibe and create is one vision I imagined for myself and now it’s manifesting in my life because I am welcoming it. The other night, I even free-styled during a cypher session. I love when I’m at a party or the lounge of a club and a cypher breaks out. I had never jumped in despite the repeated encouragement to. That is fear rearing it’s ugly head. Yesterday was my first time letting the rhymes flow out from my lips on their own and it was immensely freeing after this block has been stopping me from taking my writing anywhere far. I also have a bag of content to post here, finally, after months of designing and constant revisions.
You attract the energy you emanate, so be sure to keep your frequency up high if you want to grow. Don’t let the past be a nail to hold you back from moving forward, because it’s just a puny nail. We (you) have the power. This is what I’m experiencing. ☮